First Night Alone

Last night was the first night I tried having my boy sleep alone in his bedroom.  We've had him sleeping in the pack-n-play, in our room.  I was so worried--What if we woke up and I slept through his cries?  What if he cries for hours before I finally realize it?  What if there's a FIRE and I can't get to his room?!?!  (Okay, that's being a little dramatic, but, hey, I'd be lying if I told you these crazy thoughts didn't go through my head.) 
So, yesterday afternoon rolls around and he's totally adamant about skipping his last nap.  This is trouble.  I've come to realize that putting a 3 month old on a schedule is just stupid.  First of all, if he's hungry, he's hungry.  I'm going to let him eat.  Second of all, if he happens to fall asleep in the stroller, I'm not going to wake him up because it's "not the right time."  I tried the schedule and came to the conclusion that we have no schedule.  Whatever.  I'm fine with that...for now.  One thing I realized from this scheduling experiment is that he cannot stay awake for longer than 2 hours.  Seriously.  If he's awake for, say, 130 minutes, it's like the Devil has taken over the controls.  His brain melts, the eyes pop out of his head, and he goes completely insane.  Anyway, back to him skipping his last nap...   
At 2 hours and 20 minutes, I begin our bedtime routine:  bath, massage, pjs, feeding, "goodnight room," and bed.  I put him down at 8pm and prepared myself for at least 45 minutes of screaming and crying.  8:05...no crying.  I check on him and he's out like a light.  I can't believe it.  My husband and I have dinner and we're saying to each other, "Well, let's give it until 8:45.  He's been known to wake up after 45 minutes."  9:00...still passed out cold.  We go to bed around 11 or so and by this time we've "checked" on him (we're really just watching him sleep because it's so freakin' adorable) at least 15 times.  He's totally fine.  My husband wakes up at 5am to go surfing.  (Seriously.  He does this every single morning.  If the waves are bad, he still gets up and checks the surf.)  Our cousin said to us once, "When you have a baby...Daddy don't surf."  Well, I didn't get so lucky.  This Daddy does surf.  Everyday.  Anyway, back to the story--5am.  He's still asleep.  He slept until 7am!!!  I couldn't believe it!  He woke up so happy.  I was so scared to have him sleep alone in his room.  I thought he was too young and wasn't ready.  He ended up doing just fine.  Then I thought to myself--Omigosh.  Do I need him more than he needs me?  He slept just fine without me in the room.  I missed him being so close to me!  This is just the beginning...my son is going to grow up so fast and slowly separate himself from me.  He will learn how to do things on his own, without my help, and he will be perfectly fine.  He's still a baby and I already feel like he's growing up too fast! 

I Don't Know

Is it normal to completely doubt every single thing you do for you child?  For instance, as far as napping goes...is it okay to let them fall asleep in your arms and hold them the entire time for fear of waking them up if you to put them down or do you put them down while they are still drowsy and then listen to them cry for what seems like an eternity before they fall asleep on their own?  Yeah, yeah, I "know" I should put my child in his crib while he is still awake so he can learn to self-soothe, but it's still hard!  I hate hearing him cry!  Better yet, I hate hearing him scream!  I can handle the whimpering, but when I get that pick-me-up-now-or-I'm-gonna-go-crazy! cry...Oh My Gosh!!! 
See, I'm not a big fan of the Crying-It-Out Method.  I prefer the Ferber Method.  I feel so grown-up and mommy-like by saying that!  I can say things like "CIO" and "Ferber" because I know all about them.  (Yeah, right).  I mean, really, is it just me or does every single method, technique, book, doctor, etcetera out there have conflicting ideals with the next method, technique, book...?  What's that all about?! 
Anyway, I just don't think that letting my child cry for an hour before checking on him is anything short of neglect.  It's just my opinion and I know a lot of people disagree.  That's okay!  I, on the otherhand, prefer to check on him in 5-, 10-, and 15-minute increments when he's crying.  Maybe he's playing me...I don't know.  Hence, the title of my post...